And it is written

I miss writing. I miss connecting with myself on that level. I miss hammering out my thoughts and then coming back to them. Fine tuning them. Perfecting them. Anytime I have gone back and reread something that I wrote, I like myself more. I appreciate the thoughts. I’m not sure if I want to be a blogger or an author or a freelancer or all of the above but I know that I need this flow that happens when my fingers tap on a keyboard. I blame too much on my ex-husband and his influence in my life but the day I met him I was looking for a “word processor”. I wanted a cheap computer so that I would have a way of writing that could be saved and potentially shared. I never bought the computer and shortly into our relationship, he read something that I had written and was angry with me for it. I allowed that to make me too afraid to write. What if the people who knew me didn’t like what they read? Fucking “what will people think” syndrome has plagued me most of my life. I’m getting better at honouring myself but it is an ongoing challenge. Hopefully writing more and circling back to appreciate myself will help.

#5amclub Days 3, 4, 5 and 6

Well I haven’t given up yet but two nights in a row I took my phone to bed with me and shut the alarm down as soon as it started. The next two nights I went back to leaving it in the kitchen and got up to turn it off but then went right back to bed. I am really not a morning person so I am yet to jump out of bed at 5 and start getting things accomplished but I have found that being awake and relaxing in bed extra long has helped me start my day on a much more positive note than just getting up at the last minute. Part of me feels exhausted from being up so early but I also find that I am being more productive throughout the day. I’m going to keep going with this and see where it takes me. 🙂

#5amclub The Story

I spend far too much time on Facebook but I have stumbled upon some wonderful things there so I keep coming back. One of the wonderful things was Jon Acuff and his #DoSummer movement. I haven’t actually signed up for the challenge, but the group I joined (on Facebook) is full of ambitious people who are working on their hustles and they have been inspiring me to bring a little more hustle to my daily life. Within the group several people were making #5amclub posts each day. I got curious and followed the hashtag to this video

Now I like to think that I have an efficient bullshit filter and I recognize the personal promotion that is going on in this video but I like the concept of starting my day earlier and creating the time to exercise, plan and prepare before my kids are up and the distractions begin. I have written #5amclub at the top of every page of my day planner for 10 weeks and my alarm is set to go off at 5 every morning, even weekends. I am committing.

What I would like to achieve is:

A greater sense of quiet through meditation.

Incorporating even a small amount of purposeful exercise into my day.

Having more focus and drive by starting my day with a plan.

Loosing some (all) of the weight that I have gained in the last 6 months.

Having time for meal prep, oil pulling, relaxing showers, etc.

I am hoping to check in each day and compare my first post with my 70th to see my progress.

It’s funny how something as simple as a blowjob can make buying dog food so damn complicated.

I’ve had a crush on “Pet Store Guy” for months now. We’ve flirted over Petchup, become Facebook friends and even sent some naughty texts. I like him. I really have no reason not to. Smart, funny, ambitious and seriously so friggin cute! I get that we aren’t meant to be. He’s a little younger, never married, no kids. I’m rocking the shit out of this single mom thing but I understand that most men aren’t interested in jumping in where the last guy left off. But I still like him. Future or not you just can’t help who you fall for. Unfortunately for me you also don’t get to choose when you get over the idiot who shares a hot makeout session turned blowjob with you and then bails………..

So now each time I fill Seth’s dish I look at the ever dwindling supply of food left and panic a little. Eventually I am going to have to buy more and it is going to be like the walk of shame times a million. The worst part is, I don’t feel shame. Or at least I shouldn’t. I didn’t do anything wrong. I had a sexual encounter with a man that I am sexually attracted to and I’m allowed to do that. He’s an ass for backing out and then not texting but that’s his issue, not mine. I am fucking sick of taking the blame for men and their problems. I have been dumped for not putting out and ignored for putting out too soon. I don’t have the patience to tap dance around and let the guy decide when it’s time to fuck.

A Narcissist’s Love Letter

We all know one.

Thought Catalog

When I say I’m in love with you, I mean I love the way I feel when I’m with you. I love myself through you. I love seeing myself through your eyes. I love seeing myself through my eyes imagining how I look through your eyes. I love having someone new to tell my stories to, to express my opinions, and to share my profound theories and beliefs about the important things in life. I love hearing myself say these things as I imagine how they sound to you, and how enthralled with me I imagine you are.

When I say I’m in love with you, I love having someone beautiful to wear, like a new outfit. I love the way you feel on me. I love the way I feel about me when you are with me.

When I say I’m in love with you, I love not being…

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