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I had a dream about you last night. I stopped by the farm but two of your friends were there so we didn’t talk much. I hung around the barn a little and then as I was about to leave you pulled me aside and kissed me like crazy. It was amazing to be that near to you again. To smell you and feel your skin. I have been reliving it all day. We were getting pretty intense when you said “I’m not sure what’s going to happen, if you’re going to up and leave again, but I just can’t help being hard right now.” The entire moment came crashing down on me. I wanted to cry. I wanted to explain why I ended things the first time. I wanted to tell you that I needed to see you more, know what you were thinking if I was going to commit to you. But it was so clear that nothing was going to change and eventually I was going to up and leave again. I wanted to smack you for saying something so stupid but I wanted to keep kissing you. Keep feeling what it was like to be near you. I miss that so much. People pulled in the driveway and the dream ended before I finished processing my thoughts. I know that I’m letting you go and that is fucking hard but it has to happen. We either don’t want the same things or are really horrible at communicating it. Either way we are doomed.


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