***A girl at a party tells me that my lifelong crush is a douche who lies all the time***
Bestie: But maybe she said that because she’s jaded.
Me: I dunno, maybe he seems so dumb because he is trying to keep his stories straight.
Bestie: Maybe. I can’t see why you couldn’t use him then lose him
Me: Bahaha! Play along and then just stop answering him.
Bestie: Yup. After you get what you want. He’d do it if he was a douche, right? Gender equality.
Me: I’m not sure that’s what the suffragists had in mind.
Bestie: They weren’t thinking big enough.
Me: K, I am sitting alone in my house right now laughing my ass off. I fucking love you. This is exactly why I run all life decisions by you. Perspective.
Bestie: Just make sure you stomp on his heart before he stomps on yours. Then say “well at least I got in your pants douche bag.” But I hope he’s just misunderstood looking for true love.